Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder
by 4DaLuvOfFutanari
Summary: After the events of the train, Alphard comes to an understanding, and re-encounters the one she truly loves. AlphardCanaan


Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

How long…has it been since I last saw my light? The light that freed me from the memory of Siam and all the memories that came with him? I never thought I had need of such a thing, but before I even realized it I found that all our encounters, the heated and destructive battles we both took part in freed me from Siam. Being around her, looking at her, shattered the chains of my past, and allowed me to live in the now and not in the past that I wanted nothing more than to leave behind. She was not always my light…before I did not need one. It was during that last fight on the train, when she literally had my life in her hands, that she became someone so incredibly special to me.

I had thought it a weakness, the emotional ties to others. In the end, I was wrong and all my plans went astray. I had expected to kill her, and with it the ghost that haunted me. At that moment, when her warm hand gripped mine, I was filled with the strangest feeling I had ever encountered before. I did not like the sensation, yet I also found it one of the most wonderful things that had ever occurred. At that moment, when she poured her heart out to me about how I was already dead, I…became alive. As each bullet tore through the bone in my arm, a realization slowly stuck home. I lived off these encounters with Canaan. She was my light…she was my everything. I was in love with Canaan.

I had felt the lust, every time I had her at my mercy; I had inwardly trembled at the thought of how much power I had over her. I had ignored it, chosen not to acknowledge the fact that it even existed. I despised it, the change from sexual to desire to something else. There were so many reasons why. I hated the jealousy that came with it, how close she was with the girl known as Maria Osawa. Mostly I hated how I did not understand it. I hated that feeling of helplessness that came with confusion. I hated many things. I shot off the mark that bound me to him, the tattoo, the snake. As I fell with my left hand still in hers, along with most of the arm, another realization hit me.

The lust had not changed to love. No, the love had always been there. It had been hidden in the crevices of my heart for so long, I had denied it so much more then I denied the lust. The lust I could accept, yes, it was completely understandable. Canaan was exceptionally beautiful, loyal and kind, yet able to get what she wanted and the job done at the same time. Hair of snow and skin of caramel. Skin I had always wanted to touch. Yes, yes, the lust was very reasonable. Who wouldn't desire someone such as her? She _was_ my type after all. However, love, love was completely unacceptable, incomprehensible. Someone like me…was incapable of such emotions! That's what I told myself for so long. I told myself also that love was weakness, love was pathetic, love was ridiculous, love didn't truly exist! Yet…the proof was right in front of me.

What is love anyways? Back then, I didn't know, I thought Liang Qi completely and utterly foolish for using it as her motive of action. After all, it did end up being her death didn't it? Not only did it blind you, hinder you, it also made you at risk of getting hurt. Liang's love was unrequited, so was it worth even being there in the first place? Why risk not having the person you desire not want you back? Of course, Liang was blind to how uninterested I was. Crazy really wasn't my type, even if she was beyond attractive. That only furthered my beliefs on how ignorant people were who fought with the use of love. Liang was so blinded by it that she chose not to and or was unable to tell if it was also felt by me. Why choose not to see the truth?

Thinking that as I fell to my death, I understood it all. One didn't choose who to love, when to fall in love, or why they did. Love was one of those emotions that were impossible to understand, for it was different for all who felt it. Sometimes it was hard to notice, and sometimes it consumed you as it did with Liang who needed me so badly, that even the physical pain I brought to her, became pleasure. However, the emotional did not. In the end, I hurt her more then I had hurt any before her. I had even cared about her to an extent; she was like a little lost puppy, following me around. She needed me, and for a while, I like that sensation, that someone depended on me, my approval. It became too much though, I had played with her as if she was toy.

So how long has it been since then? One year, two? That doesn't matter at all; all that does matter is that she is here now. My arm has not been replaced; I don't think it ever will be. I am not any less powerful then I was before, I am the same physically even with the lack of an arm, and am ten times more powerful then I was emotionally and mentally, because I understand now.

"Alphard Al Shua," I nearly tremble at her voice, it has more power over me then it ever had before. I believe the proverb goes, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder." It was true; being apart from her for so long makes me understand how very precious she is to me. "It's been a very long time."

"I see you have stolen my style Canaan," I teased. My tone is unfamiliar, even to me. I glance at her ponytail, in the very style that I wore mine. She raised a single slim eyebrow, her eyes the color of roses.

"I wasn't aware you had a sense of humor," She said softly, she says it as if it means nothing, but there's a glint in her eyes. As if she knows the knowledge, I gained. "You are a very strange color, she says casually. My lips curl into a smile; I rest my single hand in the pocket of my black trench.

"I have gained many things since we last met, and a sense of humor is but one. Do you remember what I told you, how there is no need for two Canaans?" She nodded, seeming very interested in what I have to say. She has her weapon in her hand, but I can tell just from her expression that she knows I mean no harm. "There isn't. I am no longer Canaan; I can accept that now more than ever. That person does not exist, the person before I killed Siam, or the one who wanted to kill you afterward. In fact, I haven't killed a single person after that day."

She rests her finger on the trigger of her handgun, cocking her head slightly. She is so beautiful, that just looking at her makes me the happiest person in the universe. "Then I am very much curious on why I was told by Natsume to kill you, you are the one-handed woman, of that I'm sure."

"Of course it's me, unless you know any other amputated women. In truth, it was a favor. I was so desperate to see you again, and I had enough money to convince her," I said softly, I am enchanted by her as a stray breeze blows her porcelain hair. Gorgeous. She narrows her eyes slightly, curiosity evident in the now chestnut orbs.

"How did you even survive…..and why do you want to see me in the first place?" She demanded and it appears she doesn't like confusion either.

I smiled, a bit embarrassed. Despite that, I have come to terms with my feelings for so long, that nothing would be able to hold me back from telling her what I felt inside. "Because I love you. As for how I survived, I don't really know. I wasn't hurt all that badly either considering that I'm fully functional, I like to think its fate," I murmured, I look up into the midnight sky. Standing here, on this rooftop, with Canaan. I've waited so long for this night. "I know you won't ever forgive me for what I did, I don't even know if I can forgive myself, but I know things now that he had been trying to make me understand all along!"

"That doesn't matter anymore Alphard, 'm past all that! Are you truly so twisted that you'd try to get rid of Siam's memory by playing with my heart," She asked in a low tone.

"I figured you wouldn't understand," She stiffened as I reached into my coat, I know she thinks I was about to attack her. I was past the violence and destruction, I would admit that a part of me still yearned for it, but I didn't want to be consumed by it again. The clear plastic covering crumpled in my hand, as I pulled the item out. She is more confused than ever, her eyes crimson once again. "So I would like to make you understand."

"That statement alone makes me even more confused," She whispered, eyes widening at the sight of my roses. I got them for her. "You are so different Alphard…"

"I changed because of you, Canaan." I whispered, stepping close. Her eyes grow even wider and she stumbles back a couple feet away from me. "What color am I?"

"You…are every color I have ever seen" She finally forced out, seeming frightened. "You are the color…of -knowledge and understanding. Of mental peace and emotional balance. But mostly, you are the color of love, but I refuse to believe…" I wrap my arm around her, pulling her close. It's like hugging a glacier, she is solid, stiff, and refuses to accept it. Then, she slowly began to thaw, and my heart warmed as she rested one arm around my waist, and the other around my neck.

"Canaan. I love you. More than anything in this world, I know it is so hard to believe, and I know that you love Maria, but I want to have a chance!"

"Maria? She's a friend Alphard, nothing more, nothing less, I thought you understood that."

"I can't believe you did that for a friend. It's too ridiculous," I mumbled, "It terrifies me to think what you would do for a lover then, but I don't care then if she's not in a relationship like that with you. Please, Canaan please let me try and be your special person," I shouted, "I know I'm so unappealing. I have a missing arm, I want to touch you, and I want to be with you for the rest of your life. Please though, Canaan, please give me a chance!"

"Alphard, you realize Liang Qi once wanted that of you, and you thought her ridiculous?" I nodded, flinching. Just thinking about it made me feel guilty. "Well, I don't think that way of you, I find you very attractive, and I don't care if you're missing a limb or two,"' She blushed, "because…you are most likely a very important person to me too…"

I blinked a couple times before grinning, and handing her my bouquet of roses, "Then you accept these?"

"Hmmm, most likely," She snatched them from me, crossing her arms.

"Most likely," I deadpanned; it was the second time she said that, what did she mean by it? She laughed softly, eyes twinkling.

"So lovergirl, where were you planning on taking me after your brilliant confession?" She asked, I scratched the back of my head sheepishly.

"I…I umm, really didn't think that far through…"I chuckled, she smirked.

"A date at a restaurant sounds nice to me," She said," but it has to be expensive, also you have to pay for it."

"Jeez, now you're just being cold-hearted," I muttered, but I gripped her hand. "However, I think it's a good idea too." That was by far one of the best nights of my life, and being with her…so was every other that followed. Liang, I finally understand you now. I want you to know, wherever you are, that I do love you. Perhaps not in the way you want, but I hope you are happy. I hope you went to heaven, and not to hell. I hope you got over me, I hope….you forgave me. I hope…that one day…we will meet again. When that does happen, I…will tell you how proud I am of you, and how lucky I was to have you by my side. Lastly, I hope…that you are happy for me, and that you have lost all the hatred in your heart as I have…


End file.
